ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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