If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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