You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i love accidental penises.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
