good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
