I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
