i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
