So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
