oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
