She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
