So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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