Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
