I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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