My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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