Kiss
Puke
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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