People with herpes should wear stickers.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
