Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
