Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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