I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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