There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
