kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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