that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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