Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
