Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
