Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
