when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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