You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
