We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
