Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
