His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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