I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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