Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
