But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
