dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
