just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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