so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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