im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
