Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
