please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
