Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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