addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
