I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
