We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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