i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
