Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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