You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
