Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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