I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize