he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
