Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
