i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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