its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
