and you said cock pushups were impossible
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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