After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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