She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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