The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
