i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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