im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
bring money and cleavage
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
