You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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