the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize