Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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