I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
