Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
