how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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