so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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