Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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