just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
